"My Darlin' Darlin' Baby"
There’s something about having kids that changes your life or so it should. Having my daughter had me in complete panic because I wasn’t sure just how or when this mommy gene would kick in. Taking care of a tiny human isn’t something you learn as you go, I told myself. This is something you need to know everything about because if you break it you can’t just buy another one. Crazy thing is I didn’t think I could have kids.
I struggled with extremely painful cycles to where my entire body ached, pain would shoot down my right leg and it felt as though I was letting someone stab me repeatedly with a knife to my pelvic and stomach area. I would have migraines for days and be sensitive to light and sound, literally everything hurt. So when I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t believe it. I mean I was on two forms of birth control to regulate my cycle for goodness sakes and you’re telling me I’m pregnant! Sheesh, but she was the best thing that could have happened to me.
At the time my ex-husband had once again put his hands on me, but this time it landed him in jail. I was cramping when I wasn’t even on my cycle and just felt like something was off. I knew I wasn’t just experiencing the aftermath of our fight. Here I was sitting online trying to self diagnose myself when I finally decided to go to the hospital. Prior to, I was dealing with depression and wanted out of my marriage. I felt I couldn’t get any lower than where I was.
Finding out I was pregnant changed my life. I remember telling God I felt unloved and I was living so far from my purpose and my destiny that I had nothing to live for and then I get the news that this tiny, precious being is growing inside of me. She was my catalyst. Still is to this day. One of the first people I told was my operations manager at my job downtown. She already knew my situation and was a like shower of wisdom is my cloud of destruction. I knew after talking to her that my life needed to change. I couldn’t raise a child living the way I was living.
The day Serenity was born, I felt so in sync with her. My half of me was now looking at me with such bright eyes and nothing and no one else mattered but her. I had to do whatever I could to protect her, nurture her and I would do that. I felt so honored to be blessed with such a child. I had no complications with her during pregnancy and I prayed over her life, health and spirit every day. That she would grow into a virtuous woman and do what pleases God and if you knew her today, you’d know that you are blessed.
If you should ever read mommy’s works, know that I am so proud of you and I love you with all of my heart. I cherish you and hold you dear. Your light shines so bright because God made you special. I am so blessed to be your mommy. I believe in you and I believe that you will do miraculous things for God. Your genuine heart for people will take you far and don’t hold onto to the negative, it ages you and holds you down. You may not have been planned, but you were meant to be here and you are meant for greatness. Don’t ever forget it. Love Mom.
By: EIC Le'Keshia Smith