"I Needed To Let Go"
Have you ever tried to hold on to something in your life that just wasn't right? Whether it was a job, a friend, a relationship or something in your life that you just didn't need to be attached to anymore? We all become attached to things, but do we always know how to let go when we no longer need to hold on. Holding on causes more upset and pain than letting go. We suffer, our hearts get broken and the healing process takes longer.
I've tried holding on to a job that I was unhappy doing. I made a lot of money, and the perks were good. It wasn't worth it at all. I suffered more during that period in my life than any other time in my life. The pain started to become unbearable. Each day was worse than one before. Depression crept over me. I never wanted to go out or hang with friends. I stayed in the house whenever I wasn't on the road. Waking up every morning I didn't want to get out of bed. I was in a situation that I knew I shouldn't have put myself in, but I felt stuck. I was in so deep, this life became my routine; I didn't know how to get out. An escape plan was out of sight.
Everyday I drove to work in tears. I had to drive to Wisconsin and Minnesota from Chicago every week. I was away from home Monday through Friday. My rides were long and filled with anxiety. I cried the entire way. Before I even stepped a foot in the door I was already miserable. How was that even possible? All I did was drive, and I was already exhausted and oftentimes ready to go home before my day started. The only solace I had was speaking to my friends and family during my drives and listening to the radio. But, when the radio signal cut out, it was just me and my thoughts.
This was no way to live. Every Saturday I spoke with a wellness coach. We worked through ways to figure things out. She was extremely helpful. I also started to bring little pieces of me on the road. I would light candles in my hotel room, eat my favorite foods and watch movies. The most important thing I realized was that I needed to be happy. I needed to do things that I actually enjoyed doing. I started meditating and practicing yoga. I put my extra time and effort into volunteering.
The last thing I needed to do was release the thing that had the biggest hold on my life--the job that I disliked. Once I released this hold my life got better. My view of the world was clearer. What I held on to for so long was let go. I felt like I got my life back. I started hanging out with my friends more. I started to take care of myself better. I am so grateful that I was able to recognize the hurt and the pain I was going through. No amount of money is worth being unable to achieve happiness. I am still figuring things out, but I am in a much better place than I was before. I was attached to something negative, but all I needed to do was let go. Once I did I was free.
By: Rachel M. Roberts via EIC Le'Keshia Smith