Diary Entry —Pre “Thesis Visuals” Release ( A letter to my A.D Twin Flame )
Yes. It’s for you.
For the last few hours I’ve been battling with myself to see if I should even address this and I feel as though it’s best, being vulnerable helps me heal — always has.
I want you to know that no matter what you do, what you say to try to convince yourself .... I’m not going to disrespect you.
Be where you are.
It does hurt badly, but I don’t think anything cuts as badly as “Time”.i take that back, nothing hurts more than the fact that you believed someone’s lies about me, that you didn’t trust our connection —- that’s what hurts the most .
Im still healing, but I’m getting stronger everyday, I don’t cry myself to sleep anymore and I know that’s progression, Healing is a process — I am grateful.
I’m dealing with the best way I know how and that’s to make it art, because damn , I love you wild deep. Like your soul, you know ? Like the core of your being, like who you are ... beyond the flesh is wild beautiful.
But the flesh, the flesh is what has me right now. The flesh is what has hurt me and continues to hurt me . And for what ? For Genuinely loving you ?
You hurt me YES but I’m grateful, I’m learning to find gratitude in the things that hurt the most , it’s easy to love the good. However, The bad that’s where the REAL alchemy is, finding the blessings in the pain.
Past the pain I am feeling right now you HELPED ME “FEEL” AGAIN. You always told me everyone you meet is for a reason, that nothing was a coincidence , you’re right. You helped me feel and it’s The first time I’ve felt ANYTHING since my aunt died, You helped me Feel ..... love. Thank you.
Like genuine LOVE, someone actually loving me and it being an EQUAL energy exchange. I’m sorry that it frightened me, I’m useto people using my energy not loving me . I’m useto people wanting me for my energy and what it does for them .
Here’s what I am grateful for:
- I am grateful that you helped me feel.
- I am grateful that I know there’s someone out there who loves my soul unconditionally.
- I am grateful for your smile , it’s the purest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
- I am grateful for the times we’ve shared , every time some movie magical shit happened and it made me feel a little less like the spiritual crazy girl.
- I am grateful for experiencing you, it’s helped me accept myself in ways I’ve never imagine . Thank you for that.
- I am grateful for your sarcastic ass attitude. Because it’s made me level up and figure out new ways to challenge being triggered WITHOUT disrespecting the person I love.
- I am grateful that this HURTS, it means after all the bullshit I’ve been through in life I have the courage to love again .
- I am grateful that I gave this a shot which I never though I’d do again. WOW! I felt love ..... and I’m grateful for that.
I FORGIVE YOU & I HOPE YOU CAN FORGIVE ME IF IVE HURT YOU IN ANYWAY
No matter what you can’t change the fact that I love you and I’ll always be praying for you .
I want you to know that I love you so fucking deep, Like in all lifetimes & I’m going to love you and pray for you and protect your spirit because that’s what unconditional love is
I love you. Never forget that ....
.... Even as I walk away because I deserve to be treated better than this .
The love of your life .
NOTE TO MY JAYEROYALS
(Visuals Drop on Sunday to wrap up my three part thesis, after that I’m not touching this topic until I’ve healed more. Enjoy the spiritual knowledge, this diary entry is a form of my healing .... the only way I know how to heal is to be vulnerable and make it art . Please respect my privacy when I drop the visuals )