I was 12, she was 13. First year of high school and she is my first ever date. There I was with a golf shirt tucked in, sneakers virgin white, saved up money in my pocket. My Mickey Mouse watch said I'm on time as I knocked at her door.
Dimakatso, that's her name. She was so beautiful with big eyes. Then, I didn't know I'd love that feature so much in women. Dimakatso's mom was doing last minute preparations to her daughter before our date. Combed her hair and applied lip balm with careful execution. She whispered, well I overheard, and “Be a lady my girl. Be coy and remember he is in charge"
Walking to the taxi rank was awkward. She didn't look at me, looked down, and seemed shy and only answering with yes or no. Something in me snapped when we arrived at the movies (which we got kicked out of coz we were having too much fun). I told her to be herself, the bubbly Dimakatso I know from class and out of her mother's peripheral; she whooped my ass in Mortal Kombat. She even taunted me with a victory dance.
Fast forward a year; I lost my virginity to a girl older than me. I remember my first time vividly. She was in charge. She knew what she wanted. She was direct. She owned scrawny little me.
We can talk about how I lost my virginity at a young age some other day but for now, that image of a woman owning her sexual pleasure is engraved in my head.
We live in a world with people who slut shames and judges women for being sex positive. It's a weird juxtaposition that a woman who hasn't had sex is regarded as pure but shunned on for lack of experience while the one with experience is shunned on and called horrible names. Hetero men don't know what they want.
This mentality, coupled with years of indoctrination by our elders that a woman is a man's object, has women by the tits of not having self discovery of what pleases them.
Add to that, as boys we are taught the most barbaric, zero pleasure for the woman tactic. I cringed at the three steps foreplay when I was told of it when I was still a teen. Then I knew, this can't be pleasurable for anyone let alone the woman.
Women are made to believe that sex is ONLY for the man. A blatant, selfish lie that stands to have men comfortable with their limited knowledge of sex and a woman's body. Which further fuels the slut shaming and have women not fully know what pleases them.
I say, ma'am... Own it. No one, man or woman, is in control of your pleasure. It's your pleasure. Being sex positive is a plus for you. It shows how in tune with yourself. It shows you don't settle nor conform to society's ridiculous, more often than not mediocre standards.
Ma'am, Own It.
Touch base with me here: @SdotJR_