GUEST BLOGGER: Why It’s Okay That Women Like Bad Guys


I have recently begun dabbling with social media management and in so doing I have been managing two Instagram profiles, including one for a female friend of mine. Over the past weekend I received my first direct message, the infamous “DM”, from a female suitor. This was surely cause for celebration so I texted my good friend so that we can revel in it for a moment. Suffice to say that the suitor is not quite the dream that was sold in tales about the DM, but I’ll take the victory. Here is where it gets interesting. After celebrating my glorious first DM, I flipped over to the female friend’s account and deleted 83 DMs that she had received in roughly the same period of time. Yes, eighty three.


What we have here is a very interesting and telling phenomenon. For starters, it gives a rare glimpse into “the other side” for both men and women. While some men already know, most have no idea just how many times a woman gets approached by other men, whether it is to her liking or not. It is already a cliché at this point that “women like bad guys”. The term ‘bad guys’, however, is arbitrary and based on a social construct that you might choose to follow or not. It is also an oversimplification of an important evolutionary trait.




Women do not like bad guys, but rather men they perceive to be of high quality.  One of the hallmarks of high quality is relative over-subscription. What that means is that people want to have things that other people want. This is one of the things that women sub-consciously use to assess the quality of a man. The psychological phenomenon at play here is known as social proof, and men use it as well but to a less attuned degree. A pertinent example to our story is how people follow and follow back on Instagram. If someone with 7000 followings and 150 followers follows you, the average person is unlikely to follow that person back. Conversely, if someone with a profile of similar quality but with 7000 followers and only following 150 people follows you, you are more likely to follow that person back. That is because we subconsciously use those 7000 followers as providers of proof of the said person’s value.


It is needless to say that the more attractive a woman is, the more frequently she gets approached by men. While managing the female friend’s account I was able to keep up with the first few DMs but beyond 10 I couldn’t have been bothered. Women are flooded with more attention from men than they can really process, mostly from men of a lower quality than they are, so they have developed mechanisms to help filter out all the noise. Most men are selling the same thing with the same sales pitch, and just like you would do in your daily life when you are looking to buy something, rather than look at what is written on the packaging, you look for something that has worked well for other people (e.g. a brand name) as proof. This translates to women’s tendency to be interested in men who are shown to already have other women who are interested in them.


This is but only a peek into some of the workings behind this concept but should give insight into a commonly misunderstood phenomenon, and help both sides to a start in understand why women make decisions which seemingly contradict what they say.


What is your opinion on the “women like bad guys” matter?


Written by: uzumakilebogang

Blog: Let Me Articulate That