I'm paying for dinner, not buying your manhood

"Wifey" duties

"Wifey" duties


We live in a world where the independent woman is often praised for being independent and then shamed for being difficult, because a woman knowing what she wants and refusing to settle for a man who isn’t on the same level as her, in most aspects of her life, is somehow seen as a woman who cannot be in a healthy relationship. I cannot tell you the amount of times I’ve been told that because I can “look after” myself, that I am problematic because men want to feel needed.


We are now stepping out of the traditionally defined roles for women, and doing our own things because we have now been offered the opportunity to do so, and somehow, there is something wrong with that. We are challenging the status quo. I often find it fascinating when men begin to talk about how they want women who are homemakers, women who are traditional (cooking & cleaning for him are a top priority) and women who understand that the word of the man is final, I find it interesting because often, these men are the same ones who are quick to label women who are independent as “difficult”.


Independent women are only difficult to men, excuse me, boys – who do not understand the value in a woman being able to stand on her own. In a world that has told us that all we’re ever meant to be is a wife and mother and nothing else, we have excelled to running our own companies and building our own empires.


It is rare that an independent woman will give up certain things for a man, it is rare because they too understand the shift in dynamics and that they have a certain role to play in any relationship that they go into, it is also something that they are incredibly proud of, merely because in this day and age, many are unable to take care of themselves.


We are in an age where a woman holds her dreams on the same level as a man holds his. Women are more determined to make their dreams a reality and any hard-working man with ambition will appreciate a woman that has the ability to take care of herself. Men who are “weak” are often intimidated by women such as the above fore-mentioned, as that would require them to deal with a woman who isn’t going to allow many things to fly simply because he said so.


Why does being with a woman capable of taking care of herself intimidate you so much? Do you feel out of place by not having someone who relies on you financially? Are you used to having someone who wants to be catered to by your monetary value? Is it that men want someone who waits on them and someone who is reliant on them too? Why is it that having someone who doesn’t want a man’s money is considered “new” and seemingly weird? Is it because men believe that they are supposed to have ownership over everything?


“There is a change in dynamic with the modern age, it has brought a dilemma for women as well. Think about the mindset of an independent woman as well, is she not worried that if she gets into a relationship her autonomy will be gone? Suddenly, she has a man who wants to take care of her, she is insulted when he wants to take her out for a date and pay for the cheque because that is something she is used to doing herself. It could also be a problem for her. So maybe we need to take the time to build better and healthier relationships.”


There are plenty women who have been told that a man can leave you at any time and if he so chooses to do so, what will you be left with; especially in a case where you are financially dependent on him? We have so often been told that men are unreliable and heard so many stories of women left with nothing because they were financially reliant on a man.


Independent women challenged the norms that tradition has put in place, it makes men feel as though they are not needed because men too have been told that women need to rely on them financially, but times have changed, and in order for a partnership to work in a manner that is healthy, both parties need to be open to the idea of changing certain traditions.


“People crave tradition, not because it’s good but because it’s programmed and looking for tradition in a world that’s ever changing causes plenty of conflict”. I believe a healthy relationship functions well on the idea that both partners are willing to be equal “reacher’s” and “settler’s”, that there is a point of interest that is met and agreed upon by both parties.


Men feel emasculated when they believe that women only need them financially, forgetting that often there is a large amount of emotional and mental support required from a partner that will contribute to their happiness in the relationship.


The most secure men are rarely intimidated by a woman who can handle her own, if anything, they are inspired by it. So I guess that raises the question, why do you feel so emasculated if you know you have more than just money to offer her?


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